bubonicwoodchuck: (ravenclaw - geeks)
Taking a break from outlining to post some more quotes:

"You don't have to memorize this. The guys who just walked out do, though. Tell the guys who walked out to memorize this." -Schildbach

"I don't understand. It's like leaving after you've eaten dessert. You have to stay for the boring conversation afterward." -Schildbach, on the guys who just walked out

"...and you get...alcohol. Yay!" -Schildbach

"It's time for another lameass demonstration!" -Schildbach

"I am going to my happy place." -Schildbach, crawling under a table and assuming the fetal position

"This is not from the Neuroscience Department! It would not be up to their standards of intellectual rigor! This is not from Public Health! They would not approve! This is from...Biology!" -Schildbach, passing out Halloween candy in a biohazardous waste bag

"The brain likes to be in control. Except for males in puberty, but..." -Schildbach

"37. I asked my daughter, who is nearly 3, if she would like to help me write an exam question.
She said yes. I asked her what it should be on. She said Elmo. And Dorothy. For those of you
who do not know, Elmo is a muppet character on Sesame Street and Dorothy is Elmo’s pet
goldfish. (Do not think too hard about a muppet owning a living creature - you will hurt yourself.)
Here goes:

Goldfish (including Dorothy) are unusual in that they can tolerate short-term anoxia (complete
oxygen deprivation)..." -Schildbach, on the 2006 midterm

"35. Your excitable lab partner has produced a drug that he swears is worth trillions of dollars in annual
sales. We know this could be true of only two things: a drug that can allow a person to eat and eat
without gaining weight, or a drug that can enable old men to have sex. Fortunately, this question is
about the former." -Schildbach, on the 2007 midterm

"How am I supposed to teach children this junk--I mean, stuff?" -John, Orgo TA, on career possibilities

"I'm going to get kicked out of grad school and have to become a table dancer to support myself!" -John, panicking about an impending exam
bubonicwoodchuck: (Default)
 Taking a break from midterms to post some quotes.

"You all look so depressed. Why are you depressed? Let's talk about happy things." -John, Orgo TA

"He's going to be a ninja because he can. He's living the American dream." -John

"Give us a hug!" -Professor Schildbach, to a student volunteer, running into a table while demonstrating the effect of cholesterol on membrane fluidity at low temperatures

"Thankfully, as you can see, we did not succeed in hugging, she out of revulsion and I out of a desire to keep my job." -Professor Schildbach

"This next demonstration is...ah...well, has anyone ever been to a Grateful Dead concert? It's like there are these guys dancing in the front, and they're, ah...well, you have to be really stoned to do this dance. Is anyone here stoned?" -Professor Schildbach, who then proceeded to do a disturbingly good Stoned Hippie Dance
bubonicwoodchuck: (Default)
PROFESSOR FALZONE
...so let me know in advance if you have troubles in the family, like if your grandmother dies or something. Grandmothers tend to take a big hit in this class.


PROFESSOR SCHILDBACH
We don't curve, we normalize. Because there are some of you who are just too smart for your own good, and could you just leave the rest of us mortals alone? Yeah, thanks.


PROFESSOR SCHILDBACH, ON CPS QUESTIONS
We like to think there's some sort of pedagogical value in the questions we ask. We know there isn't, but...please. Allow us this fantasy.


PROFESSOR SCHILDBACH, ON YEAR-END REVIEWS
...and we do like constructive criticism, as long as it isn't along the lines of "Fire Schildbach, let Fisher do all the lectures."


JOHN, ORGO TA
*drawing on the board* Does anyone know which alcohol this is?

CONFERENCE
*silence*

JOHN
You should. It is ethanol, the alcohol most commonly found in your...recreational beverages.


JOHN
What is that one word? That hugging word...Embrace, that's it.


JOHN
Does everyone get this? ...good. So if you get it wrong on your exam, I will take off a thousand points.


JOHN
When I was an undergrad, I saw so many carbons drawn with five bonds. It was disgraceful.


JOHN
Just out of curiosity, how many of you are hardcore Chem majors? Like--you want to pursue an actual career in chemistry?

CONFERENCE
*two hands*

JOHN
And how many of you are premeds?

CONFERENCE
*twenty hands*

JOHN
*Vader nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo*

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April 2011

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